Finding reflection in a harried life


I think I’ve killed my blog. I started it with so much joy; the rebirth of my dormant love for writing. A space to process adoption, marriage, infertility, motherhood, and a possible international move. An opportunity to interface with total strangers through the world of ideas and universal connecting points. Thankfully, I never really hoped to become popular, or have x number of followers. The act of processing life was the main goal, and the feedback was a bonus.
But still. Even an African missionary can manage to upload once a month when the internet is working. How did I go 9? Life with young children is intensely sweet and completely exhausting at the same time. The experience of motherhood is convicting, refining, and inspiring. How can something that gives you so much to write about leave you with no energy or opportunity to do so?
According to my friend Webster to “reflect” is 1.”to bend or cast back” 2.”to mirror” 3. “to ponder; to consider seriously”. Life is passing quickly. No day is without transformation and change, ideas and snap decisions that take us in a new direction. Some of these choices are irreversible; they will alter the rest of our lives in an unpredictable way. But how often do we carve out space to process what is happening inside? Will we look back on a choice with less regret if we can carefully remember the reasons we made it? How can I accomplish my purpose in this earth, God’s destiny for me, if I don’t stop to listen? Rushing along and making great time but I took a wrong turn because I didn’t check the map. Maybe we don’t often see our own reality because we don’t see it cast back to us; mirrored by reflection’s honesty.
Not everyone needs to blog. Sharing your intimate ideas with cyberspace might be a bit intimidating. Journaling might be better for some things. Processing with a friend. For some I imagine reflection could happen through writing a song or painting.
But whatever it is that drives us, be it parenthood,a job, an addiction or an overcommitted list, we need to find a way to put the brakes on. Harried. Frantic. Driven. Busy.
No. I don’t want to look back on my life and see a blur. Life is moments, precious and hard, strung together in a linear gift. When I take time to reflect, I see those moments more clearly. Distilled from the fatigue, frustration and distraction of the instant. My oldest son learning to sound out words. My youngest dancing like a Pentecostal. My husband being goofy and making them laugh.
Well, I’m going to try to get this blog back. Even if I hold my writing to a lower standard. Even if I write about something no other human on the planet has an interest in. Even if my engine is running on fumes. The best part about the reflection analogy on a blog is that when we do this we not only see our own lives in clearer focus, but we can also be mirrors for each other. The dishes can wait.


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